Damn. Shit. Fuck. These are all words that I could use instead of the word “college”. As these are the words I muttered to myself a lot over the last 3 days, when realizing that “college” and my kiddo leaving is actually, for reals, happening. This is not something far off that I can deal with later, this asshole (college) just looked me right in the face and said “I’m going to be the the reason your son leaves your house for at least the next four years. Cheers!”.
I just returned from a true college visit with my son. He has been “tagged” by a college for a sport that he’s played for quite a few years now (yay!) and they wanted him to come out and stay with the team for a few days in the dorms. They wanted to ensure that he meshed well with everyone so that it was the right place for him and vice versa. What a great way to get a glimpse into college right?! What an amazing experience for him!
I cried. Like, a lot.
The moment I dropped him off with the team and went back to the hotel room. I sobbed. I sobbed some more. Then, yes you guessed it, I sobbed a little more. I texted my poor husband, who couldn’t come with us, and bless this man for putting up with my madness. He listened, he sympathized (he suggested perhaps a glass of wine might be nice) and he did his best to talk me down even though he was hundreds of miles away. Side note; I regularly wonder how men (my husband in particular) are not more screwed up when dealing with the varying emotions of women? But, I digress.
I felt as though someone just kicked me in the gut and then said “alright, you’re fine keep walking”. I also felt like I was losing my mind because who cries and sobs when they leave their kiddo with a team of grown ass men who are interested in becoming part of his new family for the next four years?! Ok, I just re-read that and I think I answered my own question there. I was NOT consulted on who could come into my sons world and be his family when I am not there, so therefore, I am not ok with this.
But, I have to be. I truly have no choice. I can have an opinion and ask questions but it is ultimately not my decision. Its my son’s, to make. This is his life and his next four years, not mine and sadly, I have not been invited to this part of his journey. Lets, just take a second and talk about this part. Why can’t Mom’s go to college with their kiddos? I mean is it really such a bad and “weird” thing to do? What college kid wouldn’t want his Mom right beside him when he comes home from a long day of classes, to ask him how his day was, feed him a snack and do his laundry?! I am obviously kidding …. sort of. I suppose I could ask my son to take his brilliant mind, tell it to shut up and become a recluse in our home for the entirety of his life?! Ok, we’ll call that “Plan B”.
In all honesty, there is a large portion of me that is incredibly excited to be a witness to this next stage of my sons life. It is truly an amazing gift that we as parents get, to be a witness to someone else’s life. I just wish that it didn’t have to be done hundreds of miles away from me.
Which is why college shall here forth be referred to as that “damn shit bastard”, not only does it make for good conversation it gives me a little sense of joy and laughter when I say it out loud. And the one thing that EVERY parent going through this needs is, a little sense of joy and laughter while we deal with the four letter word “college” aka “damn shit bastard”.